'Summer Sparklers' for J. McLaughlin

Credit: Niki Nero Photography

“The most interesting cocktails for summer, whether you have a pool or not, have some effervescence which relates to the sparkling water filling the pool or the ocean, near or far. Champagne, or any sparkling wine, adds pure magic to a cocktail. You might call it bubbles, I might say dryness. But the wisest of us all know Champagne sprinkles a fairy dust of magic.

“There are a few things to think about when choosing a house cocktail. We do not want a ‘normal’ drink available anywhere and everywhere. Instead try something people might not have tried. Leave complicated cocktails to mixologists. Your home is not a bar. You must be able to make repeat versions; meaning a first drink, possibly a second, and if the occasion arises for a third, you will be able to walk up a flight of stairs and mix another….”

 Read more & find 3 recipes for easy, breezy Poolside Cocktails, all with Champagne (or Prosecco if you’d prefer), via J. McLaughlin’s newsletter/blog HERE!

'Half a Dozen Summer Party Tips' for J. McLaughlin

“The #1 tip concerns conversations because we haven’t been face to face in so long! Just thinking about it sparks excitement, which gets energy flowing and makes party planning extra pleasurable. 

Suzanne and a guest converse at the debut of our collaboration with J. McLaughlin…

[Credit: Niki Nero Photography]

Let’s Talk
Consider possible party talk even before your event. Conversation starters can range from fun and frivolous (like showing off your matching napkins and dress) to deep dives straight for the heart of the matter. Think about each guest and what might be going on in their life so that you can ask pertinent questions, showing that they have been on your mind and that you care for them. Conversations which easily shift from light to meaningful are unforgettable. Simply skimming the surface leaves an empty feeling later. To more easily dive deep, start shallow as a means of getting there. Pointing out your matchy matchy napkins and dress will ignite laughter and spark interesting talk.…”

Read the rest of Suzanne’s party tips and find our recipe for a perfect French 75 via J. McLaughlin’s blog HERE!

"Open Up and Connect" for Lux Lifestyle Magazine

Credit: Mark Staff Photography

“Going from formal to informal is a breeze for Pollak who once owned 300 place settings. I pressed for more of her secrets to outdoor entertaining with pizazz. Below are some of the helpful hints I gleaned during our talk:

• Be short and sweet. Just one hour can be a lovely drop-in with cocktails and small plates.

• Help your guests feel you hospitality outside; if you are hosting by a fire pit, place cozy blankets or shawls on the seats.

• Fire in any form creates a sense of warmth, a phenomenon since the prehistoric times. Use it! A fire pit, fire ring, etc., in the Spring, when weather might not be so welcoming outside, will light the night.”

Read the rest of of “Open Up and Connect: Fresh Air Entertaining Tips with Suzanne Pollak” in the latest issue of East Coast LUX Lifestyle Magazine (pages 80-84) HERE!

Dressing for Zoom Parties

Credit: J. McLaughlin blog.

Forget about wearing your sexy red jumpsuit over the holidays! We cannot see most of your body nor even your shoes anymore. In 2020, party dressing is easier than it's ever been. All you have to worry about is the top third of you, from your breasts to your brain. 

• Don’t be that person who sits 20 feet from the computer so we have to squint to find you. Make it easy on the rest of us and sit a little closer to the camera.

• Flash your eyes — make those babies up! Light up the screen with smiles again and again (even more important since we cannot see people’s mouths IRL anymore). Big earrings? Yes! Strapless? No! Looks like you are topless. As for Lights! Camera! Action! Get yourself a ring light.* Action means bringing your A game, an extra snap of energy, burning 25% brighter because your vibes do flow through. 

• Use all parts of your brain. Know when to talk and when to listen. Social and emotional IQ are more important than ever. Each of us want to be seen, heard and treasured. Big No No: looking down at your phone. Can’t you just put that thing away for an hour? Please & Thank You. 

A party on Zoom can feel festive. We know, we’ve hosted 33 weekly 30-minute installments of an online happy hour, where we create a cocktail and listen to live music. We’ve learned that fun is more likely to occur with a plan for a shared activity, such as making a recipe together.

*Buy yourself a Merry Little Xmas present: a ring light for Zoom purposes. You will look happier, younger, less stressed…

For more life tips on connecting and community, cocktails and cooking, check out the Academy’s Winter 2021 Online Courses HERE!

Can the Grid be Fun?

“Zoom Cocktails” needs a rename because what makes a cocktail party a cocktail party doesn’t happen on the grid. For these we don’t dress, put on special shoes, walk into someone's house, smell the food, hug the host, meet people, even someone who might change our life. The surprises and rituals are gone: hang in the doorway (have you ever noticed how everyone does this?), help make a drink, take a look around, figure out who to talk to. At cocktails parties, we choose to stand or sit, observe or connect, and catch the vibe of the party. No longer. 

Now we don’t move, mingle or mix. We can't have surface conversations until we find who we want to go deep with. Small talk is a fun and flirty cocktail sport; looking into eyes — for a second — and winking, or touching someone’s sleeve to make a point. How do we translate this into our new world? We do not. 

Using our senses is out. Active listening with body language is out. Now we look into people's eyes for more than thirty minutes, and cannot get away. It’s exhausting. The world is fundamentally changed, our culture permanently shifted. Things that were important are no longer. Is it possible to have fun at a cocktail party online? The jury is out…but maybe that’s the point: staying connected as we venture into the new world together.

A few Zoom Cocktail tips:

• Mix your drink and have a snack ready before signing in. Why? Because ritual is important. Rituals signal to the brain it’s time to transition from work to relaxing. 

• Play music in your space, keeping yourself on mute except when you have something to say. 

• Think of a topic worth discussing and steer the conversation, instead of listening to stuff you would walk away from at a cocktail party. 

• Do not walk around with your laptop or continually adjust the laptop on your lap. The movement is disorienting and dizzying for the viewers. 

• Know where your computer camera is and make sure it is in front of you. If your computer is off to the side, even an inch or two, you look like you are not paying attention.

• Smile a LOT!

Social interaction is about connecting with one another; making people feel heard, appreciated, and loved. We do that in so many ways in person. Now it’s time to learn best practices on screen. And be grateful to Zoom for the free forty minutes!

Sip with Suzanne! Wednesday’s at 5:30 EST 4/8/20 Topic: How to Make an Old Fashioned

Time for Carbs

The fact is that carbohydrates are mood lifters. If you are cranky and exhausted — and who isn’t right now? — then don’t poo poo carbs. Give them a try!

When I was fifteen, I left Monrovia, Liberia, for boarding school in New Hampshire. I knew no one in this new country, new climate, my twelfth school in as many grades. Maybe to combat the stress of those changes, one Saturday morning I ate seventeen English Muffin halves. Everyone around me was astonished. Maybe it was a way to procrastinate school work, a way to meet new friends, or possibly just the allure of delicious melting butter in little muffin holes. But really I suspect I craved comfort and didn’t know where to find it. Carbs to the rescue!

When I was thirty I ran a bakery (illegally) out of my house. One hot seller were the English Muffins, all types: plain, raisin, spicy, cheese for hamburger night. I couldn’t keep up with the orders. So yesterday, in need of a mood enhancer, I remembered the English Muffin of long ago, which I haven’t enjoyed in years. I decided their time had returned. So in the spirit of spreading joy, lifting spirits, using my hands and trying to focus, I created a new type of English Muffin with what I found in my refrigerator. Buttermilk and sour cream.

For those of you who have not handled bread dough, the recipe might look long. Do not be alarmed! It is not done in one fell swoop, but in a few shorter steps. You can attend to other things during the process. If you need help, “Dial the Dean.” We are available for tutorials anytime. (Contact HERE to schedule.)

Buttermilk English Muffins

Makes 24

• 2 tablespoons active dry yeast

• 1 tablespoon sugar (or honey or molasses)

• 1/4 cup water

• 1 cup buttermilk 

• 1/3 cup sour cream

• Whole milk

• 4 cups flour

• 1-1/2 tablespoons coarse salt

• 5 tablespoons unsalted butter at room temp.

• Cornmeal

1. Combine yeast, sugar and water in the bowl of a standing mixer and let sit for about ten minutes, until the yeast has bubbled all over the surface of the water. 

2. Combine the buttermilk and sour cream in a two cup container. Add enough milk (preferably whole) to bring liquid up to 1-3/4 cups. Stir mixture into yeast and water. 

3. Add flour and salt and mix on low speed until dough consolidates. Throw in the butter, half tablespoons at a time, with the mixer running. When the mixture comes together, remove dough from the bowl and place on a floured counter.

4. Hand knead for ten minutes, or as long as you want. Kneading reduces stress, we promise! Knead until dough is no longer sticky. (If the dough is sticky, add a bit more flour on the counter and knead the dough on top to incorporate that flour.)

5. Wash and dry the bowl of the standing mixer. Place the dough into the bowl, cover with a dish towel and let sit at room temp. for an hour or two. When the dough has doubled in bulk, use a rubber spatula to scrape out of the bowl and back onto the cleaned counter. The dough will be sticky again and that is okay. (Alternatively, if you are busy and cannot attend to the dough till later, place the bowl of dough in the refrigerator where it can wait for up to two days).

6. Cover two rimmed baking sheets with cornmeal. Using a serrated knife or pastry scraper, cut dough into 24 pieces. Roll each piece into a ball. Place 12 balls, spaced apart, on each baking sheet. Using the heel of your hand, press each ball into a disk. Make sure the bottom of each muffin is sitting on plenty of cornmeal. 

7. While the muffins rise one more time (about 30 minutes) heat a few 9” sauté pans over low to low/medium heat. The muffins will be puffy after their rise. Carefully lift each muffin with a spatula and place four in each pan. The cornmeal will still be on the bottom of the dough. Cook each side for 9 minutes. If each side is not lightly brown, keep cooking for 2 -3 more minutes per side. (Alternatively, the muffins can be kept on the baking sheet, covered with plastic wrap, in the refrigerator overnight.)

8. Use a fork to halve the muffins, plunging the tines into their middles, then prying them apart into two. The muffins are now ready for their time in the toaster or under a broiler.  Use plenty of butter. Watch the smiles light up on faces around you, as order is restored in the emotional ecosystem.

Who is the wisest among us all?

“The Dream of Solomon” by Luca Giordano, 17th century oil portraying the king of Israel at the moment God imparts his fabled wisdom.

People who live in wheelchairs know how to live in confinement. Those with limited mobility find ways to connect that most of us never had to consider until now.

Charlie Harry is one of the coolest guys I ever knew. He contracted polio at eighteen. One day he was the star quarterback; the next morning he woke up paralyzed. He told me what went through his mind the morning he discovered he needed help with everything for the rest of his life: “Life just dealt me a terrible blow. Now get on with it.” Charlie was incapable of feeling sorry for himself. He had that rare fabulous quality of making everyone around him feel better. He ran a textile company where five hundred people reported to him. He became a state senator. He married a beauty. He connected to the world (way before the internet) with his Ham Radio. His friends were everywhere. 

By making those around him feel comfortable, Charlie made his handicap irrelevant. Paying close attention to the person he was talking to, he created an atmosphere of calm and fun, lots of it. He was an expert at communication, one on one and throughout the world. The gift Charlie sent Christopher for his eighth birthday? Eight gallons of dehydrated water. Think about it! Imagine the delight an eight year old experiences unpacking that box and discovering what dehydrated water looks like.

Some people have seen it all, even though they have never experienced a plague like today’s. If you are from a culture that values highly the perspective of the elderly, you already know their particular body of wisdom. They know for certain that everything goes up and down, eventually passes. Nothing lasts forever. The elderly are aware we must go through, we cannot go not around. They can step back and observe instead of react. Now is a good time to call your older friends and ask what mattered most to them in their long lives, and other details too. A reciprocal gift of attention, that call.

'Look Your Best Wherever You Go' for March VIE

“The first thing I think about when going to other houses is my shoes. A house party is a time to put on my most beautiful pair. While I sit in your living room, sipping a cocktail, my shoes are enjoying their time in the spotlight. They are not hidden under a table, as they would be in a restaurant. At least among women, shoes are a great conversation starter. They can get half the room onto common ground. They are your pedestal. (But if you feet hurt, you are going to hate your shoes no matter how they look.)'“

Read about Suzanne’s first fashion influences from a childhood in Africa, plus tips for transcending borders with world-class style, in the latest issue of VIE.

'Be Well' for February VIE

“Self Care is ‘the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.’ But this requires us to develop a specific intelligence.

It means listening to your body and letting it guide you, going granular on how you view your emotions, paying careful attention to how you are feeling, asking if you need to take care of yourself, and knowing what that means at that moment. As scientists learn more about the balance between the body and the brain, they have discovered that the mind often acts like an unruly toddler and does not listen. The brain responds to signals from the body, but who among us is trained to pay attention to those signals? Only professional athletes, and even they usually have a team of care specialists working behind the scenes. The brain can easily misinterpret or overrule what the body is saying.

When you realize new patterns have come to life, listening means using this information. Do not ignore what your gut is telling you. When you follow your body’s signals, you develop fluid intelligence. Listen to your body, and then instruct your brain: ‘Hey, it’s OK. We’ve got this! You don’t need to worry; we are safe — so chill out.’”

Learn more about the true meaning of Wellness, and how to implement it, in the latest issue of VIE Magazine HERE…

Mason Jar Gifts

Homemade gifts are often the loveliest presents because who really needs one more thing?

A gift made in your kitchen can become everyone’s most anticipated present, especially if given on an annual basis. Why not start a signature gift that becomes your holiday offering to loved ones near & far? Make sure it is super delicious and include directions on how to use...

For ten years, I gave mason jars filled with homemade mincemeat from James Beard’s tremendous recipe. Recipients can make mince pies in fifteen minutes and serve a holiday dessert that tastes like Christmas distilled.

These days I give jars of George Washington’s punch, an extraordinary concoction of alcohols mixed and blended, smooth as velvet. The punch can be served in two ways: poured into a punch bowl (complete with ice ring) and topped with two bottles of champagne at a holiday party, or individually as the world’s best Old Fashioned. Just add a bit of soda water and an orange slice. Divine!

Another mason jar gift which is a tasty treat all year long is Alison Roman’s granola. The Academy’s adopted version (adding whole nuts and coconut, subtracting buckwheat) pairs exceptionally well with the Handbook as a hostess gift for your nearest & dearest...

A non-mason jar homemade never to be forgotten gift is a Buche de Noel. If you are lucky enough to be invited to a Christmas Eve or Day dinner, consider arriving with a Buche (but do tell the host in advance.) I had a friend who gave large annual holiday buffets for years, and I always showed up with two Buche de Noels. This year I am making two again, one for Christmas Eve and one for Christmas Dinner. Sometimes you can’t get enough of a good thing.

'The Ultimate House Party' for January VIE

“I visited Tony and Carla in their home in southern France for two summers, and now we are family. We’ve adopted each other. When I need a lift, I tap into the memories of those halcyon days at the Hendra’s place. What could be better than reveling for a week (yes, a full week!) in communal bliss—eating, drinking, swimming, and walking around a charming village, with time for long conversations and hours of cooking? All the while, you’re leaving the frenzy of your trials and tribulations behind, at least for a spell.

A house party host must possess an overflowing heart, a hugely generous spirit (and often, an open pocketbook), boundless energy, and a willingness to carve out time for others. The house party host is the exact opposite of self-centered. The tasks are multiple, but so are the rewards for those of us who have organized house parties and been recipients of these idyllic stays. Making a group of people feel safe and loved, watered and fed for a few days is a fabulous gift….”

Read the rest of the Dean’s How To’s of World-Class Hosting (learned in large part from the Hendras) in the January 2020 issue of VIE Magazine HERE!

Great A Little a Today is Pancake Day

Besides tea and liqueur, another favorite liquid we must not forget is BUTTERMILK.

Ol’ Blue Eyes at breakfast…

Sometimes a plate of buttermilk pancakes are the most comforting thing in the world: a message of love from the person manning the frying pan to the one sitting at the table waiting to be fed. When my children were little every Saturday was pancake day and I woke them up singing the silly nursery rhyme Great a Little a Today is Pancake Day. Once they went to boarding school they all began to hate pancakes because those were pale, limp, reheated — and who can love those? What a shame!

A plate of pancakes should be golden crispy on the outside, soft on the inside, not too big so that the ratio of outer edge crispy to inside soft can be enjoyed in every bite, teamed up with sautéed fruit (pears, apples or peaches) and crispy thick bacon, served with warm excellent maple syrup to drizzle on top. It’s the perfect weekend breakfast, and even the best hotels in the world cannot make pancakes to match yours at home. Why? Because first, pancakes must be served the minute they are ready.

The trick to making fantastic pancakes is to melt lots of butter over medium or medium high heat (depending on the thickness, thicker pancakes use medium heat) until butter is very bubbly, but not yet browned. Drop tablespoons (1-3 per pancake) then leave alone until small bubbles cover the entire top and you can see the edges start to crisp. That’s the time to flip them over and leave for a minute or so. Plate immediately. Do not wait! Either give one or two to each waiting person at the kitchen table, or else a stack to one person while the others gaze impatiently and sip their coffee and juice in anticipation. Pancakes are a kitchen meal, not dining room food, because they need to go from pan to plate to stomach as fast as possible, giving maximum pleasure to the taste neurons.

The butter and bacon have to be of the best possible quality. Don’t do this on the cheap; you’ll only be saving a couple of bucks and let me tell you the taste difference is huge, from an OMG reaction to no comment at all. Add freshly squeezed OJ, and really delicious coffee or tea. 

Do not buy low fat buttermilk either. Forget about that junk. Choose the whole milk buttermilk or even one with extra butter if you can find it. For goodness sake, we are talking four to six pancakes for one special breakfast. Hardly enough dairy or flour to upset anyone! My favorite houseguest years ago ate over 20 in one sitting. I loved that kid. And then there was Shannon the Marine, who loved the pancakes with sautéed pears. He told my son when he was in Afghanistan that he used to dream of those pancakes I made him especially when he missed America. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Turkey Talk for November VIE

“It’s time to elevate the ordinariness of the daily dinner. My experience from marriage and mothering, from listening to Charleston Academy students, and from accepting invitations to other people’s houses, is this: If you never use your dining room or you do so infrequently or only on big occasions, and if your family only grazes according to their individual schedules with eyes attached to a screen and not on each other, then you will be sorely disappointed. This goes not only for Thanksgiving but also for decades later. The nightly meal is a small but mighty vehicle of opportunity. Your table can be jam-packed with inspired learning — a classroom for watching and doing — and realizing what to be thankful for: manners, nutrition, and bonds, among other things. Eat enough dinners at the table, and you and yours will become aces at many social skills.”

Suzanne serves up her wisdom for Thanksgiving (and every other meal of the year, big or small) in the November issue of VIE Magazine HERE!

"8 Ways to Get Guests to Remove Their Shoes" for Realtor.com

For Sale on Etsy.com (if you’re into this sort of thing.)

There is no need to be overbearing! #7 comes straight from the Academy — "Rely on witticisms. Rather than asking straight up for guests to remove their shoes, which some may perceive as rude, inject a funny quip to lighten the mood. [We’ve heard a particular phrase you may want to borrow]: ‘We run our house like the TSA. Remove your shoes before you get to the next part, inside.’”

Two exceptions according to the Dean? Kids coming in and out require a basket by the door with a sign that says plainly “SHOES GO HERE!” And yet a good cocktail or dinner party host must avoid asking guests to remove their shoes at all, as what is below the ankle is a major part of the outfit.

Find the full article HERE on Realtor.com…

3 of the "4 Things You Should Never Store Under Your Kitchen Sink -- and 5 You Should" for REAL SIMPLE

“While convenient, [kitchen towels and paper bags] don’t belong under the sink, says Suzanne Pollak. (A leak would ruin them.) Stash them in a nearby closet or another cabinet instead for easy access….

If you want to keep things even simpler, get a few plastic containers or tubs to hold your supplies together, Pollak says. “With containers, you can take out the unit as a whole and easily clean underneath,” she says. Be sure to run the containers through the dishwasher a few times a year. Using clear containers also allows you to easily see what items are nearly used up, so you can stock up before you run out….

There are a few [essential cleaning products'] that you should always have on hand. These include distilled vinegar, Dawn dish soap (in addition to washing pots and pans, you can also use it directly on cabinets to remove built-up grease), and Bar Keepers Friend, says Pollak. Under the kitchen sink is obviously also a convenient place to store sponges, cleaning brushes, and scrubbers. Just be sure to replace them often, as they’re one of the germiest things in your kitchen (gross)—yes, cleaning your sponge is a thing.”

Read the rest of the article by Kelsey Ogletree via Real Simple HERE!

Start a Project: Thank You Notes

Back to school! Your very first homework assignment of the year: THANK YOU notes…

Why? When you see your handwritten note on a friend’s mantel or stuck in her mirror, you know your words produced a bit of happiness, because you acknowledged something lovely someone did. Thank you’s pay off a hundred times. Written thank you’s make you really stand out.

How? Text or email is way better than nothing, but writing a note on personal stationary is extra special. You only have to produce two sentences (or if you are an artist simply a THANK YOU with a drawing of what you are thanking…)

When? Not to get all squishy on you but consider going on a 30-day thank you binge. Write a daily thank you by text, email, or paper — not to see what comes back as a transactional exchange, but to see how good you will feel by expressing yourself and sharing your love. To start your project and get in the habit, write us at the Academy and we will in turn write to you!

What for? For anything big or small, a diverse collection of thanks: a cup of coffee, cookie, lunch or dinner, a flower, personal or business meeting, a gift, friendship, time, even simply a shared idea. How about a thank you for something a friend did years ago that you still think about, or because a person helped you when you needed it most?

Now what are your favorite ways to say thank Thank You?

"A Culture of Your Own" for VIE September

“There are two things I know for sure. First, never sacrifice your personality for someone else’s idea of ‘perfection.’ You have your own background, beliefs, and set of influences. I have mine. Yours and mine are different, and that is what makes life interesting — to identify what makes us unique and discover what we can each bring to the table, our community, our world. But remember the second thing I know for sure: personal culture has nothing to do with Instagram likes….”

Read the rest of Suzanne’s article, explaining how to develop a personal culture all one’s own, in the latest issue of VIE Magazine HERE!

P.S. Another Perfect Party

It may seem impossible, but I went to yet another marvelous dinner party this Summer…

Actually, this particularly perfect dinner party was at my very own house! The special part was the group of guests — seven — three who knew each other, the other three newly arrived in Charleston. We asked each person to pick someone there they knew and tell about that person, instead of people introducing themselves. This is fun, innovative, saves everyone from bragging about themselves; plus it’s fascinating to hear what friends highlight about each other.

This only works with a small group, however. The cocktail hour was eye opening, enlightening, and by dinner everyone was acting like old friends. That’s what it’s all about: knitting together a new community right in your own house. Happy to report all six are fast friends.

A Tale of Two Parties (continued)

First, a debutante ball at the Plaza...

Two weekends later in Charleston: an over-the-top four day birthday party! Guests flew in from Los Angeles, Seattle, Chicago, Texas, Arkansa, Alabama, New York; in other words, everywhere, because everyone loves the birthday girl. She defines Girl Power. A four day party means guests make a commitment of time, energy, dress, and money but the rewards can be life-changing — making new friends, connecting with old ones, witnessing new ways of partying, and having four days of fierce, fabulous fun. 

Bessie Mae by Jonathan Green

Party One: Thursday was the kick-off at a restaurant with swinging jazz band and three long tables for dinner. We got to know each other with the warmest welcome possible by birthday girl and husband. The vibe was very — We’ve got all weekend! An important element of any party is looking forward, but when the looking forward part starts on night one of four, that’s extra special.

Party Two: Friday night was a party split in half. A bifurcated party is brilliant, a superior & innovative way to force the maximum number of people to connect. The party was zoned for men outside by the pool, women inside the house. The birthday girls instructions were, “Ladies, tell a little about yourselves, what you do, and be brief.” 40 women opened up and we listened intently. In less than four hours, fortified with food and cocktails, we had spilled our secrets and shared our souls, cheered on by cheerleader in charge, the birthday girl herself.  

Party Three: During the day, we took boat rides for a look at our beautiful city from the water.  Then we all went to change in accordance with night time directions to wear white for a dance at the house. The party was around the pool, the band at one end, the bar at the other, line dancing all around. And the real tear jerker? When a guest took the mike and proposed to his love... 

(My only regret was that I left too early. Why did I do that?)

Party Four: On Sunday morning, we went to a gospel brunch at new Charleston restaurant Blue Note. Now the focus shifted to the men since this was also Father’s Day. Goodbye’s were said, selfies taken, plans made for next meetings. 

What all these different parties had in common were hosts who are masters at making unforgettable events, connections, celebrations, and making sure everyone around them feels welcome & joyful. My take away? I have the greatest friends in the world and it is never too late to add more deep friendships to a life. In fact, you must. It’s what makes life worth living. 

TRADE SECRETS

• Fancy parties and comfort food go together. The food brings the fanciness down a few notches and gives people a feeling of social ease.

• Document your parties, but not with cell phones! If guests are taking photos, they are not enjoying the minute-by-minute fun that is happening all around. Hire a photographer (or even a niece) because we all know the photos bring pleasure for the rest of our lives.

• Mix ages, professions, styles — just mix! More brains working together make smarter decisions; more personalities at parties mean extra energy, excitement, entertainment...

• Follow your instincts & be bold. There is no reason not to follow your heart, honor your creativity, and explore new ideas. 

• Three or four days is a super party plan; a commitment, sure, but a life memory. A several days-long party is a gift of joy spread out over time, with opportunity to make real conversations, new friends, enjoy a mini vacation. In addition, there is the built-in anticipation…

• Often overlooked but equally important as the anticipation beforehand are the memories afterwards. To maximize the before and after impact, send invitations (way ahead for more days of something delightful to look forward to) and then send photos afterwards, even in a holiday card months later!

• At a four day party, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask guests to pick up their own checks when ordering from a restaurant menu. In fact, it’s a good idea. At the four day birthday bash guests paid their own tabs at the bookend events, Thursday night and Sunday brunch. Friday and Saturday were held at the host’s house so everything there was covered, of course.

A Tale of Two Parties

I want to share the details of an unforgettable pair of parties I attended recently. Not to cause FOMO or to duplicate (impossible!) but to tell the tale of two grand hosts and perhaps reveal some of their trade secrets. These two are totally suis generis, never copying anyone, 100% marching to their own beat. Neither care about a party for a magazine shoot or aim to impress anyone they’ve never met. Rather, they want to spread the joy. And these ladies know how to have a ball at their own parties.

First, a white tie ball — an ephemeral, ethereal, exotic evening from another era. This was the type of party the very rich gave frequently in season at the turn of the century (not the turn in 2000, but the one in 1900!) Our host embraces an art of living which defines generosity, celebrations, and (it must be said) down-to-earthiness; even though nothing was down to earth about the fairytale ball to honor her granddaughter’s 18th birthday, except for the main course of braised short ribs and mashed potatoes. (The host didn’t want the usual filet.)

The Setting: None other than the Plaza, a palace of yesteryear. The cocktail hour happened in a spectacular space with two photographers snapping away (which allowed guests to slip phones in pockets or purse and fully enjoy the moment) while we sipped cocktails (passed spicy margaritas, non-alcoholic lemony drink, and of course champagne, in addition to two large bars.) Then we ascended the grand marble staircase covered with cascading white flowers* into the golden ballroom before we had one too many sips and weaved and wobbled upstairs. Has anyone today mastered the ancient art of descending a staircase? No! It’s a lost art.

*Unbelievably, all the flowers were thrown away the next morning for the Emmy after party the next night. Why does a party planner insist on such waste just to stamp his mark on a party, discarding spectacular, eight feet tall arrangements only 24 hours old? 

The Seating & Eating: Once in the ballroom, finding our table was a bit of a puzzle. The table numbers (in three dimensional brass) were hard to locate, peeking out from the elegant white floral centerpieces. The number placement was a great idea because first, instead of looking for numbers on flags high overhead (which spoil the magic because — hello — no one wants to see the working details of a party, we simply want to be enveloped by magic for a few hours and not wonder how this was all produced) and second, the mystery of finding your table made strangers connect, an opportunity to introduce yourself to others and ask fascinating strangers for help. Two hundred people seating themselves takes time, but finally we sat, we feasted, we even consumed  three desserts on one plate. Why? Because our host couldn’t decide which dessert the Plaza chef presented at a pre-tasting she preferred. When in doubt, choose YES!

The Dress: It must be said that white tie looks marvelous on men. White tie can be rented because who born after 1900 has a white tie hanging in their closet? White tie is a different uniform than a tuxedo. The tie, jacket, and shirt are unique. Yes, the jacket has tails! 

The Band: A 25-piece band and who among us has seen a 25-piece band since Barry White died? Just saying… 

The Extras: Dancers to add glitz and glamor. Six dazzling women dressed in beaded 1920’s style dresses, six movie star-looking men in tails, leaping and spinning the girls around the room. You could lose your bearings watching and begin to imagine whirling like that yourself. And, since the band read a crowd like bands did back in the day, the music called us to our feet. With a partner or without, everyone between the ages 18 to 85 everyone got the call. Dancing in a pair or solo makes no difference in the 2000’s.

OOPS: The only thing the 18-year-olds didn’t like was having to show ID cards to get a drink. No drinks for that crowd. But the 18-year-olds will never ever see anything like this again in their lifetime so who cares about a drink when they were privileged enough to experience an evening from another era? They have a story to tell their grandchildren in 2060.

The Welcome: The host herself greeted everyone briefly from the middle of the dance floor, explaining that some of the guests were at her own coming out party 63 years ago! Imagine! This means the guest list spanned three generations, maybe four. That range alone creates magic. 

The After Party: The Dean was invited (one of the cousins slipped me an invitation) but sadly I was too tired to attend. Bad decision on my part!

The Day After Party: An aunt of the granddaughter hosted a goodbye brunch at her house. We rehashed details of the previous night, relaxed, refueled, said our goodbyes until next time, until we realized there is no next time. The era is over….