Can the Grid be Fun?

“Zoom Cocktails” needs a rename because what makes a cocktail party a cocktail party doesn’t happen on the grid. For these we don’t dress, put on special shoes, walk into someone's house, smell the food, hug the host, meet people, even someone who might change our life. The surprises and rituals are gone: hang in the doorway (have you ever noticed how everyone does this?), help make a drink, take a look around, figure out who to talk to. At cocktails parties, we choose to stand or sit, observe or connect, and catch the vibe of the party. No longer. 

Now we don’t move, mingle or mix. We can't have surface conversations until we find who we want to go deep with. Small talk is a fun and flirty cocktail sport; looking into eyes — for a second — and winking, or touching someone’s sleeve to make a point. How do we translate this into our new world? We do not. 

Using our senses is out. Active listening with body language is out. Now we look into people's eyes for more than thirty minutes, and cannot get away. It’s exhausting. The world is fundamentally changed, our culture permanently shifted. Things that were important are no longer. Is it possible to have fun at a cocktail party online? The jury is out…but maybe that’s the point: staying connected as we venture into the new world together.

A few Zoom Cocktail tips:

• Mix your drink and have a snack ready before signing in. Why? Because ritual is important. Rituals signal to the brain it’s time to transition from work to relaxing. 

• Play music in your space, keeping yourself on mute except when you have something to say. 

• Think of a topic worth discussing and steer the conversation, instead of listening to stuff you would walk away from at a cocktail party. 

• Do not walk around with your laptop or continually adjust the laptop on your lap. The movement is disorienting and dizzying for the viewers. 

• Know where your computer camera is and make sure it is in front of you. If your computer is off to the side, even an inch or two, you look like you are not paying attention.

• Smile a LOT!

Social interaction is about connecting with one another; making people feel heard, appreciated, and loved. We do that in so many ways in person. Now it’s time to learn best practices on screen. And be grateful to Zoom for the free forty minutes!

Sip with Suzanne! Wednesday’s at 5:30 EST 4/8/20 Topic: How to Make an Old Fashioned

'Look Your Best Wherever You Go' for March VIE

“The first thing I think about when going to other houses is my shoes. A house party is a time to put on my most beautiful pair. While I sit in your living room, sipping a cocktail, my shoes are enjoying their time in the spotlight. They are not hidden under a table, as they would be in a restaurant. At least among women, shoes are a great conversation starter. They can get half the room onto common ground. They are your pedestal. (But if you feet hurt, you are going to hate your shoes no matter how they look.)'“

Read about Suzanne’s first fashion influences from a childhood in Africa, plus tips for transcending borders with world-class style, in the latest issue of VIE.

A Tale of Two Parties (continued)

First, a debutante ball at the Plaza...

Two weekends later in Charleston: an over-the-top four day birthday party! Guests flew in from Los Angeles, Seattle, Chicago, Texas, Arkansa, Alabama, New York; in other words, everywhere, because everyone loves the birthday girl. She defines Girl Power. A four day party means guests make a commitment of time, energy, dress, and money but the rewards can be life-changing — making new friends, connecting with old ones, witnessing new ways of partying, and having four days of fierce, fabulous fun. 

Bessie Mae by Jonathan Green

Party One: Thursday was the kick-off at a restaurant with swinging jazz band and three long tables for dinner. We got to know each other with the warmest welcome possible by birthday girl and husband. The vibe was very — We’ve got all weekend! An important element of any party is looking forward, but when the looking forward part starts on night one of four, that’s extra special.

Party Two: Friday night was a party split in half. A bifurcated party is brilliant, a superior & innovative way to force the maximum number of people to connect. The party was zoned for men outside by the pool, women inside the house. The birthday girls instructions were, “Ladies, tell a little about yourselves, what you do, and be brief.” 40 women opened up and we listened intently. In less than four hours, fortified with food and cocktails, we had spilled our secrets and shared our souls, cheered on by cheerleader in charge, the birthday girl herself.  

Party Three: During the day, we took boat rides for a look at our beautiful city from the water.  Then we all went to change in accordance with night time directions to wear white for a dance at the house. The party was around the pool, the band at one end, the bar at the other, line dancing all around. And the real tear jerker? When a guest took the mike and proposed to his love... 

(My only regret was that I left too early. Why did I do that?)

Party Four: On Sunday morning, we went to a gospel brunch at new Charleston restaurant Blue Note. Now the focus shifted to the men since this was also Father’s Day. Goodbye’s were said, selfies taken, plans made for next meetings. 

What all these different parties had in common were hosts who are masters at making unforgettable events, connections, celebrations, and making sure everyone around them feels welcome & joyful. My take away? I have the greatest friends in the world and it is never too late to add more deep friendships to a life. In fact, you must. It’s what makes life worth living. 

TRADE SECRETS

• Fancy parties and comfort food go together. The food brings the fanciness down a few notches and gives people a feeling of social ease.

• Document your parties, but not with cell phones! If guests are taking photos, they are not enjoying the minute-by-minute fun that is happening all around. Hire a photographer (or even a niece) because we all know the photos bring pleasure for the rest of our lives.

• Mix ages, professions, styles — just mix! More brains working together make smarter decisions; more personalities at parties mean extra energy, excitement, entertainment...

• Follow your instincts & be bold. There is no reason not to follow your heart, honor your creativity, and explore new ideas. 

• Three or four days is a super party plan; a commitment, sure, but a life memory. A several days-long party is a gift of joy spread out over time, with opportunity to make real conversations, new friends, enjoy a mini vacation. In addition, there is the built-in anticipation…

• Often overlooked but equally important as the anticipation beforehand are the memories afterwards. To maximize the before and after impact, send invitations (way ahead for more days of something delightful to look forward to) and then send photos afterwards, even in a holiday card months later!

• At a four day party, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask guests to pick up their own checks when ordering from a restaurant menu. In fact, it’s a good idea. At the four day birthday bash guests paid their own tabs at the bookend events, Thursday night and Sunday brunch. Friday and Saturday were held at the host’s house so everything there was covered, of course.

A Tale of Two Parties

I want to share the details of an unforgettable pair of parties I attended recently. Not to cause FOMO or to duplicate (impossible!) but to tell the tale of two grand hosts and perhaps reveal some of their trade secrets. These two are totally suis generis, never copying anyone, 100% marching to their own beat. Neither care about a party for a magazine shoot or aim to impress anyone they’ve never met. Rather, they want to spread the joy. And these ladies know how to have a ball at their own parties.

First, a white tie ball — an ephemeral, ethereal, exotic evening from another era. This was the type of party the very rich gave frequently in season at the turn of the century (not the turn in 2000, but the one in 1900!) Our host embraces an art of living which defines generosity, celebrations, and (it must be said) down-to-earthiness; even though nothing was down to earth about the fairytale ball to honor her granddaughter’s 18th birthday, except for the main course of braised short ribs and mashed potatoes. (The host didn’t want the usual filet.)

The Setting: None other than the Plaza, a palace of yesteryear. The cocktail hour happened in a spectacular space with two photographers snapping away (which allowed guests to slip phones in pockets or purse and fully enjoy the moment) while we sipped cocktails (passed spicy margaritas, non-alcoholic lemony drink, and of course champagne, in addition to two large bars.) Then we ascended the grand marble staircase covered with cascading white flowers* into the golden ballroom before we had one too many sips and weaved and wobbled upstairs. Has anyone today mastered the ancient art of descending a staircase? No! It’s a lost art.

*Unbelievably, all the flowers were thrown away the next morning for the Emmy after party the next night. Why does a party planner insist on such waste just to stamp his mark on a party, discarding spectacular, eight feet tall arrangements only 24 hours old? 

The Seating & Eating: Once in the ballroom, finding our table was a bit of a puzzle. The table numbers (in three dimensional brass) were hard to locate, peeking out from the elegant white floral centerpieces. The number placement was a great idea because first, instead of looking for numbers on flags high overhead (which spoil the magic because — hello — no one wants to see the working details of a party, we simply want to be enveloped by magic for a few hours and not wonder how this was all produced) and second, the mystery of finding your table made strangers connect, an opportunity to introduce yourself to others and ask fascinating strangers for help. Two hundred people seating themselves takes time, but finally we sat, we feasted, we even consumed  three desserts on one plate. Why? Because our host couldn’t decide which dessert the Plaza chef presented at a pre-tasting she preferred. When in doubt, choose YES!

The Dress: It must be said that white tie looks marvelous on men. White tie can be rented because who born after 1900 has a white tie hanging in their closet? White tie is a different uniform than a tuxedo. The tie, jacket, and shirt are unique. Yes, the jacket has tails! 

The Band: A 25-piece band and who among us has seen a 25-piece band since Barry White died? Just saying… 

The Extras: Dancers to add glitz and glamor. Six dazzling women dressed in beaded 1920’s style dresses, six movie star-looking men in tails, leaping and spinning the girls around the room. You could lose your bearings watching and begin to imagine whirling like that yourself. And, since the band read a crowd like bands did back in the day, the music called us to our feet. With a partner or without, everyone between the ages 18 to 85 everyone got the call. Dancing in a pair or solo makes no difference in the 2000’s.

OOPS: The only thing the 18-year-olds didn’t like was having to show ID cards to get a drink. No drinks for that crowd. But the 18-year-olds will never ever see anything like this again in their lifetime so who cares about a drink when they were privileged enough to experience an evening from another era? They have a story to tell their grandchildren in 2060.

The Welcome: The host herself greeted everyone briefly from the middle of the dance floor, explaining that some of the guests were at her own coming out party 63 years ago! Imagine! This means the guest list spanned three generations, maybe four. That range alone creates magic. 

The After Party: The Dean was invited (one of the cousins slipped me an invitation) but sadly I was too tired to attend. Bad decision on my part!

The Day After Party: An aunt of the granddaughter hosted a goodbye brunch at her house. We rehashed details of the previous night, relaxed, refueled, said our goodbyes until next time, until we realized there is no next time. The era is over…. 

MT. VERNON XMAS PUNCH (& other Homemade Gifts)

There is no good reason not to have an arsenal of homemade gifts on hand this time of year, whether to give to hosts of the many Christmas (and Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, etc.) parties you are sure to attend, or to reciprocate when a neighbor shows up with a little surcee for you and yours.  

Homemade gifts, like the Washington family's famed punch, can be simultaneously simple to prepare and yet still spectacular to behold, not to mention imbibe.  For as velvet-y as this punch may seem, it is a nonetheless quite potent mixture of bourbon, rum, Chartreuse, sherry, vermouth, and tea, cured for a week in tightly-sealed mason jars.  

Who knew George was such a party animal?!  You can find the recipe for Washington's Punch in our Archive.  Each jar may be individually labeled and tied up in a cheery ribbon, with serving instructions alongside for the recipient to enjoy at another occasion.

Now, there are a few ways to serve a jar of Mt. Vernon Christmas Punch.  For a small gathering of 5 or less, stick with cocktails.  Simply pour a couple ounces of the base over ice, top with either champagne or soda, and garnish with a cherry.  Why not present a plate of Cheese Coins alongside?

For 6 or more, get out the punch bowl -- we're having a party!  But first, you'll need an Ice Ring.  Simply fill a bundt pan halfway with cranberries, cherries, or any other festive fruit to garnish your punch.  Then run hot water over the pan to loosen the ice, flip it into the bowl, and top with 2-3 bottles of champagne to put it to action.  Like so:

There you have it, Mt. Vernon Christmas Punch, the gift that keeps on giving.  There are plenty of other goodies you can whip up and portion for casual gifting, whether alongside the punch or no.  Try biscotti, bourbon cake, or Raisin Scones.

But, if your kitchen is already sanctioned for other grandiose projects -- we're making Prime Rib for Christmas Eve dinner (more on that a little later this week) -- build your Holiday credit with promises for the New Year: offer to make a series of meals, complete with menu suggestions, for someone extra special, or plan to throw a dinner party in their honor.  Or, simply take all your girlfriends out for a nice lunch and hand out a few fabulous party favors.

Regardless, 'tis the season to let the people you love know exactly how you feel...and to drink lots of punch!

XO, the Academy

Notes from the Rainbow Room, for VIE Magazine

Looking for a reason to travel? If an epic blowout at NYC's legendary Rainbow Room isn't on your calendar this Spring, make a date with friends in a city you've never been to and live it up anyway! For three or 300, Suzanne tells how to make any destination event memorable in the latest issue of VIE Magazine.

Read the full article HERE...

"Entertaining the Entertainers"

Sometimes the most memorable house parties happen under dire circumstance.

The Dean's most recent column in VIE magazine is all about houseguests -- both having them and being one yourself. Her advice covers the gamut, from celebratory house parties to visiting a friend in need, plus how to schedule your time together (and apart, very important!) She offers suggestions for what to do and what to cook, how to behave and how to handle those who don't...

Read the full piece, along with so many other fun articles, HERE on VIE's site!

'TIS the Season for a Cocktail

Who wouldn't love to be at this cocktail party?

Too many parties are unremarkable, and not for lack of work on the host's part. Some just don't stick in your memory, or leave you feeling thrilled you attended. Maybe they didn’t cast that luminous glow on life, even if for a few moments. If you've ever wondered how to give a cocktail party that makes each guest leave happy, satisfied, and thankful for you, the Dean has a couple secrets up her sleeve.

Growing up in Africa, I went to remarkable parties every week, even every night. There were cocktail parties in Mogadishu, Somalia, where we lived in a pink house on a hill over looking the city and the Indian Ocean.  All kinds of people attended: ambassadors, hunters, Arabs, Italians. One time American Olympian Jesse Owens came over, the era’s Usain Bolt. Especially overseas, in third world countries, parties build a community for a few hours, lasting til dawn. Those parties ended when the sun rose. I was on my way to bed when most guests arrived, and just waking up when they left.

The length and mix of parties cannot be duplicated but the lessons to learn are to set the stage and invite interesting people, beloved old and exotic new...

Setting the Stage:

So much concerted effort when it comes to hosting a party  -- stress over what to wear, what to serve and drink, how to decorate the house, the gimmicks, the glasses, on and on. The strange miracle that seems to elude us as we busy ourselves with party details is that all these elements don’t add up to a hill of beans. The most important point is to make guests relaxed the moment they walk in the door, able to step outside themselves for the duration. To experience that seizure of happiness, a floating feeling that lasts for days, is the ultimate goal. It all comes down to real meaning versus gimmicks. Gimmicks are fine, fun, even fabulous if they set the stage. Your job is to create magical moments. This takes deep thinking and off-the-cuff intuition.

Set the stage that works for your taste, energy, house and budget. It’s not difficult because this is about your personality.  Not about money, not about working yourself into a frazzle, not about doing things other people do. It’s about your personality asserting itself in the details. Taste is subjective! If you like plastic and silver together, great. The best houses are personal, not interior design-driven. If you only have time for picking up cocktail snacks at Trader Joe’s and Costco, that's fine too. Tip: buy truffle potato chips and fill with tuna tartare or pickled shrimp.

Whom to invite:

Everyone and anyone, not just the usual suspects. Invite at least a few new faces. Guests fall into two camps: comfortable if they already know everyone else, or ready to make new connections. But everyone everywhere loves to talk with an interesting person, known or not. Small talk gets stale in moments. Don’t let your party become a distant memory because small talk drowned the energy. 

Cocktail parties, and in fact the most fun parties, are all about the C’s. Be comfortable, which makes others comfortable. Connect guests. Start conversations, using your contacts and your charisma. Serve canapés and Champagne (e.g. Henri's Reserve) perhaps even in punch! For an in-person tutorial on how to host an unforgettable cocktail party, contact the Concierge at the Restoration Hotel to book a private class with the Dean.

Cheers!

Out on the Town in IBU

The Academy is always up for anything dear pals down the street at IBU throw our way, so when they asked the Dean to model their Holiday best, she (quite literally) jumped at the chance! Hitting the streets with old friend Eddie and new friend Amanda in bespoke finery -- which just happens to be ethically sourced and crafted by women in developing countries -- could not have been more FUN. Read more about our adventures and outfits in their most recent newsletter here.

We are happy to say the holidays are upon us, and there's nothing we'd rather wear to parties or gift to our besties than IBU! 

Swanky Soirée

One of Dean Pollak's favorite friends could be the coolest woman in the world. She should be Head Dean of the Academy, but her life is too full and she doesn’t have time to share her secrets. Luckily for you, the current Dean does have the time and is willing to pull back the curtain on this doyenne's latest extravaganza: a white tie ball held in one of New York's grandest party spaces, the recently redone Rainbow Room in honor of the host's granddaughter.

The room is the talk of the town, and this party will be the talk of generations to come. No detail was too tiny for this party genius, and not one of those details was over the top. Our lady has perfect pitch -- from drawing up multi-generational guest lists, seating guests so each feels thrilled, to timing, pace, arrangements, music content and volume, food and drink, and every single particular in between -- each detail woven together to envelop everyone in a web of fantasy for one wonderful night. 

Flower arrangements as big as buildings...

Chandeliers raining down crystals and music for every moment: string instruments to set the mood during cocktails, allowing all ages to chatter...

A 22-piece band (yes, you read that correctly) seamlessly segueing into dance tunes while eight pros twirled their partners, like magnets, pulling guests from dinner tables onto the revolving floor... 

Spinning so slowly, like an old-fashioned LP, that at first the Dean wondered, Am I tipsy? Is there really magic in the world? Can I cover a dance floor so expertly? No! It’s the moving floor!

The Deb. and accompanying rappers whooped it up in the middle of the crowded dance floor, hours and hours after start time.

Some nights should never end!

F.O.M.O.

The definition of FOMO: Fear of Missing Out.

Are you suffering from FOMO? The Charleston Academy is particularly designed to cure this contemporary malady. Suffer no more! Learn how to build a beautiful and rewarding life so that YOU will start living the life that OTHERS fear they are missing. This is not rocket science, people. With a little guidance and hand holding from the Dean, paths will open that you may not have envisoned for yourself. Relationships, experiences, living spaces, free time, balance, behavior, social ease -- there is nothing we can't improve. The Acadmey is a cure all for this ailment of FOMO. Our solutions:

Step One: Subscribe to periodic newsletters and weekly blogs. Frequent tiny tips are easy to digest, like spoonfuls of great tasting medicine.

Step Two: Plan a social engagement that is easy as PIE. Here's one that will mark you as a person with her/his very own style. We will keep it a secret that you borrowed the Academy's Cliff Notes to stake your territory as the person who knows exactly what to do and is confident enough to pull off something original. 

• Bake a Summer Pie. Make your own crust, throw in some sugared and spiced Summer peaches, buy some vanilla ice cream, whip some fresh cream. Email the Academy if the way to whipped cream is a mystery! You are giving your guests a choice on how to gild their lily, their piece of pie, in addition to showing off your culinary skills. 

• Invite a group. Not just your posse. Make sure you invite a person you want to get to know better.  Our tip: schedule last minute (day of or day before) so you only gather people who really want to come. Two important truths you must pay attention to (1) whoever comes is meant to be there and (2) do not freak out that your current crush didn't show up. Word will get around on how cool, original and fun your pie party was. Next jump up you will find yourself turning people away. They will all have their own cases of FOMO. 

• Set a table/sideboard/porch table/kitchen with the pies, forks, cool dessert size plates, bowl of hand whipped cream, another of ice cream, a pitcher full of sunflowers or tall greens cut from outside, wine glasses...and don't forget napkins. 

• Play these tunes to set the mood for dessert, from musical wizard Alex Collier* and finally...

• Serve this wine, which our favorite sommelier Femi Oyediran** describes as "a late harvest wine from South Africa that easily contends as being one of the greatest sweeties out there. Made from the Muscat grape, it is a must-have on the dinner table at the end of a meal. A charming combination of orange peel, honey, and exotic spice, Vin de Constance is the perfect match for peach pie you didn't know you were looking for!"

***These dudes are the definition of cool, and you will be too when you follow our advice. You will be well on your way to making others a little envious of your life, parties and style. You are erradicating FOMO from your life, but possibly spreading it to others. Oh Well, we can only help those who follow the Academy! 

The Best Way to Get Invited Back to Parties?

There are a million and two engagements happening in Charleston this Holiday season, per usual.  Were you invited to all of them?  No, probably not (full disclosure: neither were we) but perhaps could be in future seasons if you heed this advice.  

It's not Rocket Science.  Just say "Thank You!" in the most memorable way possible: a handwritten note, in specific detail, on your favorite stationary.