Mind if I Stay a Few Days?

This is the wrong way to phrase this request.  The proper question is, "I would love to see you, are there any days in August that are convenient for you?" Never ask for more than 3 nights. EVER! The only exception to this rule is when the person has a whole guest house.  

They might be able to tolerate one or two extra days.  But we wouldn't suggest pushing it.  Your host becomes a prisoner in his own bedroom, and the guest is unaware.  Your guest wonders why you stay in your bedroom all the time, and the host wonders why you never vacate his favorite chair.  Always, always, always leave people wanting more of you.  The stench of you overstaying is impossible to scrub clean and will taint a friendship.  And don't forget, if you haven't been able to pick up copious dinner checks, you cannot go overboard with the thank you gift.

MBA Academy Style

The most successful and happy people we know (two things the Deans strive to be) are one woman and one man, not married, whose life's motto is Playing With Friends. The two of them have more time and energy for business than any other two people we know, and it just dawned on the Deans why. They have gone out of their way to become friends with the people with whom they work. These relationships were not only strengthened at the office and restaurants. Both their houses were constantly engaged as well. By allowing business associates into their private spaces they highlighted sides of themselves that other people might have never guessed at and therefore became multi-dimensional people in an instant. 

Identify some of the people who you admire in your business world, and invite them to your house to dinner. Maybe mix in some of your friends from outside of business, or maybe not. 

The Deans have taken a page from our own book and revived the Academy lunch, which we let fall by the wayside. We thought we were too busy working, but we forgot that mixing work and fun is the best way to live and the surest way to success. Playing With Friends just became our motto too. They don't own that! Now we do! 

The Charleston Academy of Domestic Pursuits Handbook

The Deans Master Meteorology

July 7

Dear Diary, 

The Deans are on the plane to Alaska and we are praying for good weather. Alaska in the freezing rain does not sound like our kind of vacation. We are taking care of the weather ourselves by drinking Dark and Stormys. By ingesting the foul weather beforehand we are sure to ward off the bad weather when we land.  The tiny tempests in our stomachs will sweep all dangerous weather patterns away. We are now starting on our third Dark and Stormy and have become confident that we are genethuthes.........Alaska here we come!

Dark and Stormy

Cover 2 ounces of Goslings Dark Rum with Blenheim Ginger Beer. Squeeze in a lime and garnish glass with a lime peel. 

Etiquette Quandaries

What to do if you forget to invite a good acquaintance to a large party?

OR

If your friend invites someone you have told them has done you wrong?

The Deans have been in the lab for days and have come up with solutions for these two all too common problems. We are solutioning these problems in much the same way. If you have forgotten to invite someone to a large party, or your best friend has invited your worst enemy over, the path for both these is the same and is possibly the most frustrating of all. You must do nothing. Your best friend is free to invite whoever she wants to her house, even though you think her judgment is poor. You may alter your opinion of her and undoubtedly your feelings have been hurt but you are not allowed to say anything. Similarly if you ever point out to person that you forgot to invite them, you are making them suffer twice. Dean Pollak has occasionally felt so guilty that she forgot someone, upon seeing the person she asked them why they didn’t come. She blames the mistake on the US Post Office. Dean Manigault may try to blame the problem on spam but up to now she has always kept her mouth shut and said nothing. In both these instances we feel too many words will only exasperate the problem. The Deans are women of action so this is not always easy for us, in fact sometimes it feels impossible but we feel the council is sage and correct. 

The Deans Globe Trot

July 1.

Dear Diary, 

Since we are packing to go on our Alaskan holiday, and bundling our sweaters, long pants and hiking boots in suitcases, we Deans can't but notice our thoughts are drifting to the Caribbean. Who did we think we were when we planned this vacation? We are warm weather mermaids, not snow bunnies. Oh, what to do?

First thing on our to do list is to make a big strong drink. Eureka! It just dawned on us! Nothing says warm weather like a Pina Colada (unless it's Chicken Cane Garden from our book.) As we finish packing, we find our taste buds totally tricked and we imagine the plane is flying south instead of north. Check back next week to see what we drink when we get to Alaska. 

Thanks Diary! You are always such a big help. 

---

PINA COLADA Deans' Style 

INGREDIENTS

2-3 ounces light rum

2 ounces Coco Lopez (cream of coconut)

2 ounces Pineapple Juice

Cubes of ice

1.  Alternatively puree Pina Colada in blender.

2.  If using cubes of ice you may top drink with some soda water, if you feel it needs some leavening. 

Bamboozled Into Situations

When you are a third wheel and you know it, how do you get out?

You have several options here, but your path is clear.  You must extricate your self as soon as possible.  As we now live in an age of constant communication, you could have another friend come meet you and peel off with him.  You could feign a headache and grab a taxi home.  You could say you need to leave because of some home emergency.  Just be sure you leave.  Don't "tough" it out.  You will find yourself feeling lonely and depressed and who wants that?

Slightly high people want the party to keep going and won't take no for an answer. How do you leave?

Dean Manigault considers herself an expert in the arena of departures.  The best way to get away from people who do not want you to leave is to not tell them you are leaving.  Simply rise and pretend you are going to the restroom or a different room, then sail out the door.  The revelers that are left behind won't notice your absence until you are long gone.  If the doorway is in plain sight, pretend you are getting something from your car or grabbing a pack of smokes from the bodega down the street, and assure them you will be right back.  Your friends will just be jealous that they did not leave with you.  No one has ever woken up wishing they'd had one more.

A tip Dean Pollak has heard is to leave your coat in your car with your chauffeur. This way, when it's time to leave, you can zip away without finding the coat room.

When someone asks which date in the future are you free to come to dinner, after you have already declined their invitations several times? What is your answer?

Wasting your precious time on unwished for social engagements is robbing yourself of your most valuable commodity.  Time inevitably becomes our most treasured asset.  If a person or couple won't leave you alone about a forthcoming date, dig your heels and become emphatic.  

Use anything at your disposal. My spouse is traveling so much, we cannot make a definite plan. Not sure what my schedule looks like that far in the future. Some people are literally tone deaf. Keep singing your song until they hear you.

What happens when same sex partners come for dinner?  Do you seat boy girl boy girl or throw that out the window?

We are in the dawn of a new age and therefore new rules are needed. Boy/girl, boy/girl cannot be honored if there are not enough boys and girls.  Don't fret. Just seat your table in the most spark igniting configuration and sit back and enjoy the show.

I Heard You the Third Time!

Women are talking, men are not listening: You have effectively communicated to your partner your exact battle plan for your party. The drinks, the menu, the flow, and most importantly, what you expect for the division of labor. You have been concise, informative, polite; in short, you have exhibited your customary brilliance. You are serene in the knowledge that everything will go exactly as you have envisioned it, so clear and exacting is your plan. Your guests start arriving, your kitchen is at its maximum captivity, you turn your adoring eyes to your loyal spouse to indicate that it is time to move the party to the designated garden spot or living room, but lo, what is this? He does not return your gaze. No amount of waving or flagging can get his attention. Your interior temperature starts to rise, as your kitchen is clogged with multiple drinkless guests, while your partner holds court with one guest, not helping you in the slightest. Your temperature rises further as you slosh tequila and soda water while you try to do the work of the other bartender you thought you had. Then your top pops off when you gently remind your spouse its time to corral the guests into the other room and your partner looks at you in wonder, and professes to never have heard this idea before. Is there a solution? 

The problem is different then what you might think. It's not your party didn't go as planned, its that you lost your cool in front of your guests. Any out burst makes everyone feel uncomfortable and feel unwanted.  Unpleasant exchanges between spouses are never appropriate in public. Ever.  The Deans from this moment on, banish any couples who engage in this public display. Consider yourself warned. 

The solution to this thorny problem has just dawned on us and the Deans are always eager students. Every group has one or two party guests who are authoritative and commanding and one or two diligent worker bees. If you need an extra bartender, ask a worker bee. He or she will be thrilled to help. If you need people to move to the next room, enlist the help of a bossy pants and watch your guests move like a well ordered battalion.  Instead of rueing your unhelpful spouse, be glad he/she is enjoying himself.  That was actually the purpose of your fete to begin with, to have a good time.  Don't set yourself up for insanity before your affair even begins.  Designate in your mind a few helpers prior to the party and that way if your partner ignores you, you have a Plan B.

What the Deans are Drinking

Spring puts the Deans in the mind of rose. Pink and smooth and it goes down super easy -- a real summer time treat.  Domaine Ott is a particularly good one and we hear it is a favorite of rap stars so you can enjoy feeling edgy, as well.  The Deans keep several bottles in the fridge at all times because if rose is not freezing cold, it's not worth drinking.

But the Deans are nothing if not au courant (a cursory glance will tell you that) so of course we were early adopters of the cocktail craze.  We jumped on the wagon early and have not given up our seat yet.  There are just so many to choose from.  The variety appeals to our mercurial natures.  The Deans have a new favorite every week, and we are never wrong.  Blenheim Hot Ginger Ale is made right here in Hamer, South Carolina and its spiciness is a wild ride.  This ginger ale put the storm in Dark and Stormy.  For the dark, we look no further than Bermuda's national dark rum Goslings.  Dean Manigault's marriage began and ended, coincidentally, in Bermuda: A dark and stormy whirlwind, if there ever was one!

---

DARK AND STORMY

INGREDIENTS

1/4 cup of Gosling's Black Seal rum

Handful of ice

2 dashes of Angostura bitters

Blenheim Hot Ginger Ale 

1 lime wedge

1.  In a crystal glass, or better yet, a silver cup, pour rum, top with ice.

2.  Add bitters and fill to top with ginger ale. 

The Deans' List: A Few of Our Favorite Things

SANDWICH from Goat Sheep Cow 

Taffin CANDLE

J.McLaughlin DRESSES 

Old Bay Spice  ALL AMERICAN

SIMPLEST RECIPE ON THE PLANET

SALTINES and SMOKED OYSTERS 

1.  Spread softened butter lightly on a saltine.

2.  Sprinkle old bay seasoning and bake in 300 oven for five minutes.

3.  Top with smoked oysters. 

ACADEMY BIBLE

Bourbon Feast

There was a special group in town the Deans could not say no to. These men wanted bourbon and lots of it. Class syllabus comprised bourbon bacon highballs, Kentucky bourbon chicken, bourbon glazed ham, our patented bourbon coconut pie and, most importantly, a designated drive. Ocifer. 

How Many Courses to Serve?

The Deans are always advocating that more is more, except when it isn’t. A good example of when more is definitely not more is the number of courses to serve at a dinner party. You’ve worked so hard, you are such a great cook, your house is so pretty, surely your guests want to be treated to all the delicacies in your arsenal. Because who wouldn’t? The Deans will tell you who wouldn’t. The very people you hoped to impress the most, your invited guests. Just as creating food and ambiance is an art form, so is conversation. To maintain a zesty repartee is fun, exhilarating, well worth the effort, and exhausting.

Three courses are as much as any guest can handle. This is really a case when you want to leave people wanting more. A guest at your dinner table is a hostage until you set them free. Once dessert has been served your guests know they are free to go, which in turn makes their lingering feel like a choice, not a chore. Hosts and guests alike will feel happy and relaxed when everyone lingers at the table with an extra glass of wine instead of after four (or gasp, five!) courses, when all guests bolt for the door at the earliest opportunity leaving a bewildered host in their wake.

Newsflash! The Deans are not as smart as they thought they were.

Heretofore, we have been so in love with our own food that we have been too afraid to give up any control when entertaining. Well, getting older has its benefits and one of them is getting a little wiser. Giving up control also can means giving up 18 hours of extra work. The Deans have started embracing an idea we used to find anathema: the potluck. It's not for every entertaining occasion, but when it suits, the potluck affair is genius. Just make sure that one person delegates who brings what so that the meal does not consist of four chocolate cakes and no roast beef.  And did we mention savings? If everyone brings one bottle of wine instead of one person buying five, well, even the math challenged Deans can tell you that the host is saving quite a bit. Participants splurge since they are only buying one bottle, so the quality of wine will be better as well.

Manners tip: even if one dish is far superior to the others, make sure everyone gets thanked and praised, at least by you. 

The Deans look for silver linings wherever we can find them. Embracing this positive attitude, we noted that spring is tardy this year and rejoiced that stew season has been extended seemingly indefinitely. Everyone still has an opportunity to enjoy Beef Bourguignon - A Potluck Star. No one makes this behemoth for one, so start stewing and invite some friends to bring the salad and dessert.  Eating outside will have to wait until a bit later, but we can all still enjoy some indoor fun together.

Dean Manigault enjoys a dinner with her family

For more tips on making entertaining easier buy our book here

The Deans Visit Their Sister

You cannot imagine the look on Dean Pollak's face when she learned that Dean Manigault had never been to Savannah, GA.  Her jaw dropped open and hit the floor!  How could Dean Manigault have lived and hour and half from such an idlylic spot for 20!!! years and never ventered forth? 

The Owens-Thomas House

Both Deans took a field trip yesterday to rectify this travesty.  Dean Pollak's good friend Father Gavin Dunbar from St John's Episcopal church agreed to join us for lunch and Logan Pollak, Dean Pollak's daughter-in-law was at home to allow a visage with grandson, Pierce Pollak.  Added to these excitements was the dropping off of the Academy salad bowl at the wood working shop of master carver Greg Guenther.  A quick trip to SCAD and the day was shaping up to be a real winner.

One of the 28 squares around which Savannah is built

Lee and Suzanne jumped into the official Academy vehicle at about 9:45 and headed due south.  Less than two hours later, we were crossing the bridge into the jewel that is Savannah. What a treat!  The city is laid out on 28 squares with all the buildings surrounding them.  Live oaks and azaleas abound. The weather has been such a nightmare this year, and yesterday looked to be no different, but while the Deans were enjoying their midday repast with Father Dunbar at local hot spot Chives, the sun came out! Unbelievable! Lady Luck had obviously joined us on our sojourn south.  The gorgeous sun, absent for so long, inspired both Deans to walk as much as possible.  

Father Dunbar at an Everyday Cooking class with his legions of fans

Dean Manigault is smitten.  Her head is so filled with dreams of her return that there is barely room for anything else.  

Thanks are not just for Thanksgiving

Unless you live under a rock it is most likely that over the weekend someone did something for you that deserves a thank you. Not surprisingly, knowing the Deans as you do, we are passionate about thank you notes. Some of our friends are so good at writing notes, we do favors for them just in anticipation of their delightful missives. Each thank you note should be like a snow flake, individual and unique to the experience, so we have selected a few  that stand out so that they may inspire you. 

As you brave the South Carolina highways, we bathe in the warm glow of Friday night.  For some reason my mind keeps leaping back to that first view of the round table.  All the amazing silver goblets nestled between green fronds, glass upon glass, the promise of magic from your kitchen cauldron.  How do you do it? xx 

Of course, I never feel that I've had enough time with you.  It feels like we are old friends and really need days to catch up.  You are such an extraordinary host, and so graceful in every situation.  Thank you for your lovely lunch. xx

Or you can always fall back on one of the Deans favorites:

Thank you so much!!= I loved it and love you for giving it to me. xx

Below we have included an over the top favorite, from Celeste.  Heer notes are always of the highest caliber and make the Deans smile.  Enjoy!

From the desk of Celeste B.

Darlings;

How many times have we been faced with the task of writing a thank you note for a dinner party? May I suggest hundreds if not thousands in a lifetime of respectable dining? Though it may have been ghastly in every way there must be some salvageable terms to describe one’s, and a companion’s, experience. Here are a few guidelines that have served me well:

Don’t begin with “thank you”. Strain to be a little creative and launch directly into a description of the experience. “Your dinner was a delight...”, “We were so pleased to be included...” or “From the moment we arrived.., etc.” I offer these as exemplars for you to craft a less boring and slightly more personal note.

If the flowers were beautiful say so. Use your excellent powers of recall and of observation to describe the surroundings. No occasion is meat and potatoes only. Your hostess has gone to considerable difficulty to obtain horticultural exotica and other precious out-of- season twiggy bits. Even if she hasn’t, you must always make her feel as if she had considered and weighed every design choice with mighty concentration. If she winds up with limp petunias then remark on how heavenly their colors complemented the table cloth. Find something.

Observation is the key. Pick a conversation you may have had and express it as an anecdote without revealing anything too personal, unless of course it is to your advantage. “The President was telling me...” is permitted on that occasion but try to remain neutral on details so that the tone of your observation is not misunderstood. “Your brother told me that his bail may be revoked,” is a bit too revealing but “Your brother certainly was animated,” is approved. In some cases you may choose a neutral speaker to hide identity altogether: “The conversation was spirited and the anecdote about the judge and the donkey was most amusing.”

When music is provided as accompaniment be sure to ask for the playlist or to complement the performer. It proves you were paying attention after all.

Mention the courses but not in a litany of the menu. Pick a couple of dishes you may even have enjoyed and mention them. Do not ask for the recipe. It just gets awkward after that especially if they come to your house and get a better version of the same dish. Say how marvelous the preparation, sauce, condiments, or something surrounding the dish was. Again be a keen observer but don’t go overboard and praise the ordinary as something it is not: “The parsley was so green.”

Don’t fail to give credit to the setting. She may have brought out her grandmother’s Depression glass service because it is special to her, not that it is retro or à la mode. Distinguish the setting in some way to show appreciation: “So many perfect forks,” “The salt spoons were an inspiration,” or “The table cloth was exquisite” are handy expressions if you mean them.

Be sure to close with the lingering glow which the entire event has forever emblazoned in your memory and you will be assured of sincere and gracious invitations for the rest of your life and maybe make friends in the bargain. 

Fireworks

Once in a blue moon, especially if you entertain as much as the Deans, somebody comes to your house ready for a fight. He or she arrives in the mood to be contentious. Be the party large or small, this is a real problem and must be dealt with by the host or hostess. The Deans have found it best to agree to all the nonsense they are spouting and try to tamp down the fire as much as possible. Dean Pollak finds a fight more difficult to deal with (she has had a guest up and leave right from the dinner table leaving a gap and a gasp in his wake) but we both agree that we enjoy watching fireworks spark as long as it is at someone else's house.

The Deans want to know your worst guest stories...

The Final Fifteen

Before you can look like this:

You’ll have to have had some time like this:

Dean Pollak was at Walters Art Museum in Baltimore and hadn’t realized the Deans had been popular for so long and in places as far flung as Tibet and India. As she rounded the corner, you cannot imagine her shock as she came face to face with herself!

Every competent party host wishes they had eight hands fifteen minutes before the guests arrive. There are a multitude of tasks that cannot be done any sooner than the last minute, and the last fifteen minutes are always crunch time. Getting ice and lemon ready for the bar, uncorking white wine (or sticking it in the freezer because you forgot to chill the bottles), getting the hors d’oeuvres on platters and bowls as well as into and out of the oven, and last but not least, dragging a brush through your hair, putting on your face and getting in your party outfit. Getting dressed has to be last job on your to do list or the debris of party set up will be all over you.

 You want pleasant surprises for your guests all night long (specialty cocktails, one room lit only by candles, two desserts, making a new friend) but none for yourself.  This requires a plan. How are the Deans so sure? We will tell you how: when our party plan is not memorized, whatever is not on the list, does not get done. Vegetables go unroasted, whipped cream stays in the fridge and not on the dessert, champagne goes uncorked.

Host Tips: As frantic as those last fifteen minutes can be, it is just as important to let the tension go once the guests arrive. To be able to relax later, make a plan first, for the novice on paper, but at least in your head. For any help with your plan, contact us and let the Deans help you tweak it. 

Our Most Important Guest Tip: Never ever show up early for a party.

What's a Weekend?

Photo by Charlest Birnbaum: 2008

The weekends are not the only two days acceptable to invite people over. Just to prove the point, Dean Manigault invited nine people over Monday night and a raucous chatter filled her halls. The trick to a Monday night party is to keep the evening moving forward, but this does not mean you have to skimp on getting out your silver, china or be relegated to eating in the kitchen, although you may opt to do that. Beginning or mid-week jump-ups can be tons of fun, because people are glad they do not have to provide their own weekday dinner, however most guests still want to get their eight hours so a slightly earlier than usual start time is not out of order.

Dean Manigault’s secret weapon for a Monday night dinner party was simple, fresh and light food. She resurrected shrimp cocktail, which sadly has almost completely disappeared from home retinue, roasted three chickens with an eye for leftovers for the rest of her week, and patronized the finest local bakery to stock up on mixed berry tarts. Before she knew it, her guests had stayed till ten and left en masse with a smile on their faces and a renewed sense of camaraderie.

Recipes for Cocktail Sauce

One again a chill has settled over the Academy. Dean Pollak just asked Dean Manigault how she makes her cocktail sauce and she said she opens a jar. Dean Pollak’s face froze in undisguised mortified rigor, and so hence, both recipes follow.

Dean Manigault’s Cocktail Sauce

1 jar of cocktail sauce on shelf closest to the shrimp is her favorite.

Open jar and serve with shrimp.

Dean Pollak’s Cocktail Sauce

Catsup with copious amounts of hand grated horseradish, lemon juice and a few dashes of Worcestershire sauce. 

State Dinners run amok! Is there a Dean in the house?

French President Francois Hollande (center), with first lady and President Obama, at Tuesday's state dinner. PABLO MARTINEZ MONSIVAIS / AP

What in the world was going on during the latest State dinner for the President of France? Far more unsettling than the last minutes change of invitation was the President and First Lady’s seating plan. Just because Hollande crossed the pond solo does not mean he needed to be wedged in between the two Obamas. Quelle Horreur! What in the world were they thinking? Or were they not? Among the crazy seating plans the Deans have seen, this triad ranks amongst the craziest.

Since recent State Dinners have swollen from 140 to 400 people, than surely there was another woman suitable to be seated on Hollande’s other side. Any man, but especially a Frenchman, prefers to be sandwiched between two glamorous women while dining. Hollande didn’t get all those mistresses by preferring the company of men. 

Today is World Cancer Day

Cancer affects all of our lives. 

There have been times in the Deans' lives when circumstances laid us low and the reaching out of a kindhearted friend has never been forgotten. When life throws us major shifts and shocks, the routine of domesticity is most crucial, but it's also barely attainable. Now is the time for you to step in and use your skills to run someone else's house. Even if the recipients are barely able to eat or join in the conversation, having daily life going on around them proclaims, "There will be a way through this situation." Everyone is buoyed by extra love, including you, the giver of kindness to someone in need. Good food (including some in the freezer when you leave) will be remembered a lifetime. 

Chicken Pie is one of the best comfort foods. 

Livestrong is one of our favorite charities. 

Chevy's Superbowl ad celebrates cancer survivors. 

The Why's, What's, Where's and How's of Invitations

If your invitation is not telling people where to go, at what time, what to wear, and what to expect then your invitation is an abject failure. An invitation that does not answer all the above is not only confusing,  but can cause unintended stress to your recipients. 

Dean Pollak was invited to a seated dinner for thirty, quite a lavish affair, but the invitation was lack luster and only said "See you at eight." All attendees were expecting a cocktail party, and many had made post-cocktail plans, while others wandered in during and after dinner. A two part problem ensued: some people canceled their second plan, others had to beg off the main event and admit they were confused. Worst of all by far was that nobody had that vital pre-party rush of anticipation of something over the top. 

We know of a friend's husband who threw his wife a surprise birthday party.  His particular pet peeve has always been the phrase 'festive dress' and boy, do we concur. What does that jumble of words mean? We have no idea and we know you don't either. It is a useless phrase that should be abolished permanently, along with 'black tie optional' (either it is or it isn't), festive black tie, and casual. The word casual sounds like it could be helpful, but the word means too many things to too many people. Right in our own city it can mean blue jeans or coat and tie, depending on the party's location. Helpful phrases are: 'coat and tie', 'no tie', (which implies a blazer and no tie), black tie.

Wedding invitations are always tricky: from the weight of the paper to the size of the event. The size of a wedding guest list always mushroom clouds. Unknown, or long forgotten relatives, are dusted off and pushed to the forefront. This leaves less room for long standing friends and hurt feelings can run rampant. Everyone needs to take a deep breath. If the host cannot have everyone they want, they can either throw a big party before or after wedding, and/or, they can inform some of their friends who may reasonably expect to be invited, that they are super sorry but that they have a very finite, small number that they must stick to and they simply cannot have all the people they want, as much as they wish they could.

Invitations are always a welcome surprise, and the Deans just want to make sure you are getting the most bang for you buck.  We know it can be tempting to be cute and original, but you never want to go so left field that you miss the key points.  Stay on topic and make sure all the information you want to impart is in your invitation.  If you are giving a special seated dinner, be sure to toot your horn a bit.  Everyone loves to be excited about a future event.  Always remember that you are in charge and that people will be looking to you for all their cues about what to expect.  That's why indecisiveness can cause angst.  An easy rule can be that if you think about yourself receiving the invitation, what would you want to know.  This causes you to listen to you own voice, and your will be spot on!